The sequence of events now unfolds in countless urban homes. Parents arrive home from a long day at work and a heavy traffic jam that you get home, you are all together, but none of you are really present. A 13-year-old teenager scrolls through short videos while eating, a parent reads short emails and another teenager watches a video game stream in earphones. Today, the gap between parents and teens is not as great as it was in the past with regard to values or fashion or career choices. It’s all about focus. The topic of screen time was what the debate was about for years. Parents set curfews, confiscated phones and were concerned about addiction to the Internet. But all of these steps seem to be insufficient as they have the smartphone as the issue. It is not. It is the attention economy that has infiltrated the home and is beginning to influence the family life in a more pervasive manner that truly poses a threat. Teens today use technology—they live in technology. Communication between friends goes on via messaging apps after school. Suggested viewing is based on algorithms. Influencers shape aspirations. There’s a lot of influence going around in the online community. AI is starting to solve children’s questions, which they would have previously had to ask parents or educators. The smartphone is no longer a device. It’s a place where youth learn, socialize and are affirmed.
Parents, on the other hand, still envision family life as shaped by shared meals, weekend trips, festivals, arguments, and the little mundane conversations that lead to building trust over time. There is more to the dispute over phones than just technology. It embodies two concepts of being here. For one side, it is being physically present, for another it is digitally being present. In today’s times this divide has become the focus of parenting.
The fact that this change is so important is that we are measuring the wrong thing. We measure its Internet time and time online. We don’t often tally up all the conversations that did not take place. No survey got the family story untold due to that everyone was looking at a screen. Relationships don’t just fall apart on a dramatic note because the teenager decides not to reveal his or her problems to the parent. Far more frequently, they are weakened by the simple occurrences of everyday life, which are unnoticed.
The unquantifiable price of the attention economy is particularly stark on India’s cities. Children come back from school, to coaching classes and home tired. Before they are able to log in again to their work calls from home, parents are forced to spend hours navigating the traffic. In apartment complexes which used to be full of children playing in the yard, evenings are increasingly spent indoors while each member of the family is absorbed in a personalized digital world. Technology has served as filler in many empty moments but has also been a take from many family moments.
An easy thing to say is that this is a failure of parents. Parents are not in competition with television like the previous generations. They have to beat platforms created by behavioural scientists and backed by artificial intelligence with the goal of increasing engagement. Every pause, swipe and click enhances these systems to better keep attention. A house rule cannot do as well as a system designed to ensure a connection with the users.
But technology is not the enemy. Smartphones have made knowledge available to all, have given a head start to creativity and made education possible. The question isn’t whether or not teens should use technology, but where can we make sure technology doesn’t intrude. Families today are not only in need of less screen time, but more relationship time.
Fighting over quieter dinnertime, putting the devices away, or going for a walk after dinner, or driving to the tuition classes while no one pulls out a phone might appear to be minor rituals. But they matter. The normal habits create the emotional base that enables families to endure much higher adversity in later years. With technology now a necessity, the need for intentional technology breaks is that much greater.
Schools too have a vital role to play. The concept of digital literacy should be more than cyber safety and responsible use of the internet. It is important for young people to also learn about the algorithms that affect their attention, why they can’t stop looking at that infinite scroll, and how the use of digital platforms affects their emotions and their decisions. In a society where attention is now a commodity, it is essential to learn how to manage attention as well as math and science.
There is an inheritance for each generation. Previously, the stories and traditions of these ancestors were transmitted to the next generations. Some of the habits of attention that are becoming commonplace today may be unintentionally transmitted to those who follow in the footsteps of the present generation. Children are attuned to what parents teach them as well as what families are willing to attend to, interrupt or ignore. In that regard, what children learn from their parents might not be what parents say, but rather what parents do.
Each technological revolution changes the family life. Television changed evenings. Learning has changed dramatically with the advent of the internet. Smartphones and Artificial Intelligence are transforming one of the most basic aspects – family bonding. It has always been a part of parenthood to prepare children for the future. The greatest strain of the day is that what we do not want is for the future to take the place of the present in a quiet manner.
Maybe the biggest question is, how many hours do teens spend on their phones? It’s easier and harder. Who do they instinctively look to for advice, reassurance and comfort – a parent or the algorithm in their pocket?
(The views expressed are personal)
This article is authored by Anuradha PS, professor, Christ University, Bangalore.
