Parenting has never been an easy responsibility, but in today’s fast-changing world, guiding children has become more demanding than ever. The child growing up in a Kashmiri home is exposed not only to the values of family and community, but also to an endless stream of information, opinions and influences through smartphones, social media and the internet. In such an environment, parental guidance is not a luxury. It is a necessity.
Guidance, however, should not be confused with control. Parents are often concerned about their children’s safety, education and future. Their concern is natural. Every parent wants to protect a child from failure, disappointment and harmful influences. Yet, when concern turns into constant suspicion, comparison or pressure, it can create distance between parents and children. A child may obey outwardly but withdraw inwardly. The result is a home where conversations become instructions and silence replaces trust.
Children need parents who are present, not merely parents who provide. Food, clothing, education and material comfort are important, but emotional availability is equally necessary. A few minutes of attentive listening can sometimes achieve more than a long lecture. When a child speaks about a fear, a mistake or a personal struggle, the first response should not always be anger. A calm conversation can open a door that punishment may permanently close.
The need for such understanding is especially serious in Kashmir, where children grow up amid social, economic and emotional uncertainties. Young people face academic competition, unemployment concerns, changing social expectations and the pressure to appear successful before their peers. Many carry anxieties they do not know how to express. Some fear disappointing their parents; others feel that their problems will be dismissed as weakness or disobedience. Families must recognise that emotional distress is not a sign of poor character. It requires attention, compassion and, when necessary, professional support.
Education remains one of the central responsibilities of parents, but education should not be reduced to marks and ranks. A child’s worth cannot be measured only by examination results. Every child has a different pace, temperament and ability. Some excel in academics, while others show promise in art, sport, public speaking, technology or community service. When parents compare their children constantly with neighbours, relatives or classmates, they may unintentionally weaken their confidence. Encouragement, on the other hand, gives children the courage to work harder and recover from setbacks.
Parents must also teach children the difference between freedom and irresponsibility. The answer to the digital age is not complete isolation from technology. Smartphones and the internet are now part of education, communication and everyday life. But children need guidance on how to use them safely and responsibly. Parents should discuss online privacy, misinformation, cyberbullying and harmful content without turning every conversation into a threat. Rules are important, but rules work best when children understand their purpose.
The same principle applies to discipline. A home without boundaries can become confusing, but a home ruled by fear can become emotionally unsafe. Discipline should help children understand consequences, not simply make them afraid of punishment. Physical or humiliating punishment may produce temporary obedience, but it does not teach self-control or responsibility. A child who is corrected with dignity is more likely to learn from a mistake. A child who is shamed may learn only to hide it.
Parents must also examine the example they set. Children listen to advice, but they observe behaviour more closely. If parents demand honesty but lie in everyday situations, ask for respect but insult others, or insist on patience while reacting angrily, children receive conflicting lessons. Values are not transferred through speeches alone. They are built through daily conduct. The atmosphere of a home teaches children how to treat people, respond to disagreement and face hardship.
In many households, fathers and mothers continue to carry different expectations regarding children. Boys may be given excessive freedom while girls face strict restrictions. Such unequal treatment can create resentment and limit a child’s development. Every child deserves safety, respect and opportunity, regardless of gender. Parents should prepare both sons and daughters to share responsibilities, respect boundaries and contribute to family and society. Equality at home is among the strongest forms of social education.
Parental guidance also means allowing children to make age-appropriate choices. Overprotective parenting can prevent children from developing judgment. Parents cannot solve every problem on behalf of their sons and daughters. They can offer advice, explain risks and remain available, but children must gradually learn to decide and accept responsibility. Mistakes made in a safe and supportive environment can become valuable lessons. The aim is not to raise dependent individuals, but capable human beings.
There is also a need to revive the culture of conversation within families. A shared meal, a walk, a visit to a relative or an ordinary discussion about the day can create emotional connection. Children may not immediately reveal everything, but regular communication assures them that they have someone to turn to. The strongest family bonds are often built through small, consistent gestures rather than occasional grand expressions of affection.
Schools and communities, too, have a role to play. Parents should remain in contact with teachers and take interest in their children’s social as well as academic lives. But schools cannot replace the family, and families cannot ignore the responsibilities of schools and society. Counsellors, educators, religious leaders and community organisations can help create an environment in which children receive balanced guidance. Protecting children must be treated as a shared social responsibility.
At the same time, parents themselves need support. Many are raising children while managing financial pressure, work-related stress and their own unresolved emotional burdens. A stressed parent may find it difficult to remain patient, even with the best intentions. Communities should encourage open discussions about parenting and mental health rather than treating them as private matters surrounded by shame. Seeking help is not a failure; it is an act of responsibility.
The goal of parenting is not to produce children who never question, fail or disagree. It is to help them become thoughtful, honest and resilient adults. A child should be able to respect elders without losing the ability to think independently. They should value tradition while understanding the changing world. They should learn ambition without becoming arrogant, and humility without becoming fearful.
Parental guidance is, ultimately, a relationship built on trust. It requires firmness when necessary, but also warmth; it demands responsibility, but also forgiveness. Children remember the words parents speak, but they remember even more clearly how those words made them feel. If a home offers respect, children carry respect into society. If a home offers compassion, children learn compassion.
The future of any society is shaped in its homes long before it is shaped in its institutions. Kashmir’s children deserve parents who guide them with wisdom rather than fear, discipline them with dignity rather than humiliation and support them with patience rather than comparison. The finest inheritance a parent can give is not wealth or status, but confidence, character and the assurance that home will always remain a place of understanding.
( The author is a lecturer and columnist)
