For long, the idea of relationship is rooted in the belief of ‘completing’ each other. And typically, the mainstream narratives of romance actually do revolve around finding your ‘other half,’ from books, movies, to childhood fairytales. This collectively subconsciously creates a form of dependency. But in reality, any form of emotional dependency can exert stress on the relationship.
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Hear it from Bollywood actor Katrina Kaif, who explained why people in relationships need to be emotionally independent for the bond to sustain. She opened up about it during an episode of Koffee with Karan.
She shared the lesson based on her experiences and personal interpretation of love, but the ideas do resonate. Let’s quickly go through what she said and decode what it means and what the significance is.
What did Katrina Kaif say?
“The biggest learning in my relationships or equations I have had in my life is that nobody else is responsible for your happiness. And you can’t give them that power because if you do, it’s not about you giving away your power, it’s that you are burdening that person with responsibility, and nobody, I don’t think anybody can take that responsibility for a long period of time. At some point, they are going to let you down, or you are going to let them down, and that’s when the relationship starts suffering because you put that pressure on. I don’t feel good; you are not making me happy. You are not doing this for me.”
As aforementioned, emotional dependency often burgeons in relationships, placing many vital emotions, such as happiness, on the shoulders of one’s partner. This can severely weigh down the energy and dynamics of the relationship. It is not anyone’s job to fix someone’s loneliness, insecurity or unhappiness. That is each person’s internal work, not the partner’s obligation.
When expectations of ‘fixing’ the other person begin to unfold, slow resentment eventually seeps in, and before you know it, the relationship may start to feel claustrophobic. When expectations are rooted in emotional dependency, such as making the other person happy in the relationship, remain unfulfilled, conflicts may arise. However, this is ultimately a flawed notion of love and relationships.
What is the correct interpretation of companionship?
Essentially, emotional dependency, such as being responsible for each other’s happiness, is often regarded as a high standard of companionship, but in reality, it is not. True companionship is different. Katrina Kaif explained, “The most beautiful kind of love that is going to be, I feel, is my interpretation of it, is going to be when neither of you needs the other person, when there’s no great dependency on the other person. There’s just admiration, there’s respect, there’s companionship, and there’s a space of ease between you.”
