Malini Parmar, 56, an adoptive parent from Sarjapur Road, was briefly at a loss for words when a child she met at a bus stop told her, “Aunty, your daughter says she has two moms.” After a moment, she replied, “Yes. She has a tummy mummy and a heart mummy.” Parmar, a former IT professional and co-founder of stonesoup.in, a social enterprise, first considered adoption after watching Boys Town, the Oscar-winning film about Father Edward J Flanagan and the village he created for orphaned and abandoned boys. Later, she saw an interview in which Sushmita Sen spoke about her daughter being “born from her heart.” Parmar, originally from Himachal Pradesh, recalls telling her sister, “This is how I want to build my family.” Her daughters, Tara and Lila, are biological siblings from Odisha. Parmar spent years learning about adoption before going ahead in 2008, when she was 36. “However, when I brought my girls home, I realised I didn’t know anything about parenting. The elder one was four-and-a-half and the younger just two-and-a-half. I had to feed my babies and get them to sleep – it was not easy. You can’t raise a kid alone,” she says, adding that she managed with steady help from an adoptive-parent community. On hard days, she turns to Single AP and PAP, a WhatsApp group for single and prospective adoptive parents, which helps her stay grounded while dealing with practical and emotional demands of solo parenting. Originally named Kuni and Gudly, she gave her daughters formal names, Tara and Lila, after a friend mentioned that children in Odisha often have both a pet name and a formal name. To-day, Tara studies psychology and theatre at St Joseph’s University, Bengaluru, while Lila is interested in filmmaking. Across Bengaluru, solo adoptive parents are drawing confidence from active networks that function like extended families. These communities offer guidance on everyday challenges, emotional reassurance, and shared learning about raising adopted children, helping both mothers and children feel connected through common experiences. Hita Hejmadi, an adoptive parent, is part of groups including Joy of Adoption and Bangalore Single AP and PAP. She notes that there are also city-based circles such as Heart Babies Play Date, which arrange meet-ups for adoptive families. “They help you turn your low moments into fun stories, besides providing social and psychological support.” Hands-on Lessons In Parenting Madhumitha Venkataraman joined several parenting and adoption groups while considering adoption, and during the three-and-a-half-year wait for her child. She is part of Joy of Adoption (a support group for prospective adoptive parents, adoptive families and adult adoptees) and Families of Joy (an NGO that connects doctors, lawyers, and families involved in adoption). Venkataraman, a senior HR professional, is a single adoptive parent to her three-year-old son, Anurag. She lives with her mother and has never married. She is also a person with disability — left hemiparesis affecting the left side of her body — which, she says, makes her adoption journey somewhat different. Once her child came home, these communities continued to be a support system in day-to-day ways- — how to deal with early illnesses, where to find suitable paediatricians, and how to talk to her son about not having a father, as well as about her disability. As Anurag grows, questions about his origin are starting to emerge. Venkataraman tells him that he is her “heart baby,” a child born from her heart. She believes there is no right time to share details about adoption and wants Anurag to grow up owning his story, just as she owns hers. Overcoming Cultural Barriers When three-year-old Ameya from Mumbai came to Suja’s home in Electronics City, Bengaluru, in 2007, communication was initially a challenge. “Ameya spoke Marathi and I couldn’t talk to her,” recalls Suja, adding that she tried to bridge the gap using broken Hindi. For the first week, Ameya was largely quiet as she adapted to her new environment. Soon after, Suja introduced Ameya to their neighbour Renjit’s family. “Renjit’s wife, Renji, could speak Marathi. She was able to communicate with Ameya and understand her needs. Ameya also became friends with their children, and started playing with them,” says Suja. Ameya now calls Renjit ‘Daddy’ and Renji “Aayi”. “She considers their children her siblings,” adds Suja, who initially faced family disapproval over her decision to adopt. However, spending time with Ameya changed their views, including her mother’s, and they grew to love her. During the adoption process, Suja received support from Bengaluru organisations such as Sudatta, along with groups focused on single parents. “Back then, Sudatta would host quarterly events — sports days, get-togethers and picnics. It also organised sharing sessions where parents discussed their struggles. A three-day an-nual conference at a resort was another much-anticipated event, with separate programmes for children. Prospective parents could also attend these paid events to observe and interact with the children,” she explains, adding that Ameya formed close friendships there. “Moreover, it helped her realise there are many children like her.” Adopted children may be at an increased risk of learning difficulties like dyslexia and dyscalculia, often linked to early life factors such as substance abuse exposure. Being part of a supportive community equips adoptive parents with resources and guidance to address these challenges effectively, says Suja. Now 22, Ameya studies design at RV University and is an intern at Biocon Foundation. She is thriving despite learning difficulties, inspiring others through her story, positivity, and resilience. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….“Adoptive parents’ communities helped me understand the adoption process —from documentation to court procedures, timelines, and waiting list updates – and reassured my family, especially since single, never-married adoption is not very common in India, by connecting them with other adoptive families.
Madhumitha Venkataraman
Meet- ups and playdates do happen, though they are often informal and ad hoc.” Madhumitha Venkataraman | ADOPTIVE PARENT AND MEMBER OF JOY OF ADOPTION, A SUPPORT GROUP, AND FAMILIES OF JOY, AN NGO
