Relationships are dynamic tests of compatibility, and marriages even more so. For a 35-year-old man, it did not bear the result that he had hoped. He has been married to his wife, 34, for six years. Their life drastically changed within two months of the man leaving his job after facing burnout at work. He took to the popular subreddit, r/InsideIndianMarriage, to share his story, which left the community divided in their opinion.
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Dealing with an unsupportive spouse…
In the long post, the OP (original poster, that is, the husband) shared that he and his wife had what appeared to be a perfect marriage on paper. They both had high-paying jobs, but three months prior to the post, the OP left his due to “extreme stress and a prior cardiac scare.”
Deciding to focus on rest and recovery, he took a break from his career. While his wife was supportive for the first two months, things gradually changed. The OP admitted that he was spending most of his time resting, sleeping, or engaging himself with hobbies.
This apparently did not sit well with his wife, who kept asking him about his job situation in increasingly harsh tones. “I could feel her tone becoming harsher as if my value was only until I earn those handsome salaries, and now that I’m not bringing in that money, I’m not worthy of her love and care,” he shared in the post.
The OP revealed that his wife earns a handsome salary of six lakhs per month. However, it was seemingly not enough for her, as she compared him to the husbands of her friends and was apparently affected by how the OP not having a job impacted her social status. The pressure started to show effects on their relationship as well.
“We’ve been having a lot of arguments. She thinks I’m not ambitious anymore, whereas I just need some time to figure out how I fail to this extent. I am visiting a therapist, and she isn’t supportive at all; she just cares about her job and position. I just feel lonely and unloved in my marriage. Just two months of unemployment and she has flipped completely,” he wrote.
Trying to explain the spouse’s situation
The OP believed that the reaction of his wife to his not working stems from her “childhood insecurity.” He shared that her father had shut down his struggling business one day and spent the rest of his life staying at home and farming.
“Growing up middle-class among rich relatives has made her very insecure about money. She’s become very focused on financial success as a source of respect and security. She’s a workaholic and only cares about earning more and climbing the ladder. She thinks only money will give her respect in society and family; otherwise, she will have to see the same fate again,” he stated.
Their arguments reached a point where the OP accused her of marrying him for his job, and the wife passed the buck back on to him, saying that he married her for her job and her looks, as well. The OP felt that she did not understand where he was coming from, and ended the post by stating, “Right now, I feel like I’m just a status symbol to her and that she doesn’t really care about my health or what I’ve been going through.”
Redditors observe the couple has ‘evolved into different people’
Netizens reacting to the thread had varied opinions on the situation. While some people were sympathetic to the OP, others were less so, as the OP revealed that he did not have any plan for the future, nor was he lending much hand in the housework on account of being able to afford help.
“Burnout is real. Believe this or not, but stories like yours are actually pretty common. You’ve found philosophy, and with that, ambition goes out the window,” commented a person. “And with ambition gone, all the bells and whistles will go with it. You have to make a choice and communicate it to your wife. She isn’t wrong here either; ambitious people cannot tolerate tardiness. You’ve just evolved into different people; it’s a scary thing about getting older.”
“There is nothing wrong with being ambitious, but being empathetic and kind to your situation needs to be a number one priority. What happened to going through the thick and thin together?” remarked another.
“Nobody would appreciate if you just sleep away and do your hobbies. That makes the other very nervous. So, talk to her and assure her that you are just taking a short break. And take couples therapy. Being ambitious is not a negative thing,” was the opinion of a third.
“Unfortunately, both you and your wife want different things in life. Her insecurities are as real as your burnout. A middle ground can be achieved if she understands the difference between her father and you, mainly that you are recouping and even then are financially independent and carrying your own weight around the house,” stated a fourth.
Yet another person sharply pointed out, “If you don’t wanna be judged, you shouldn’t be judging her yourself.”
Note to readers: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
