In an Instagram post dated June 11, 2026, matchmaker and dating coach Oendrila Kapoor shared her opinion on live-in before marriage. She highlighted that you can’t know someone completely unless you start living with them. To prove her point, she elaborated on the entire concept and reasons behind this. Let’s hear her reasons.
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The real version of your partner is unknown
Oendrila said, “You have never seen your partner on a Tuesday night.” In most pre-marriage meetings, people come dressed in their best and showcase their best behaviour. You are about to make the biggest decision of your life with someone you’ve only seen on dates, family dinners, and carefully planned weekends.
But marriage doesn’t exist on that one date. She highlighted that the person you are marrying is the one who exists when all of that goes away. When both of you are exhausted and the kitchen is a mess, and something broke, and nobody wants to deal with it. When there is a disagreement and no option to simply go home. That person. You have not met them yet. And you are planning to spend your life with them.
Calls out the concept of the arrange marriages in India
Oendrila emphasised that the arranged marriage system in India was built on family reputation, caste compatibility, and the assumption that two people would grow into each other after the wedding. Compatibility was a post-marriage project, not a pre-marriage requirement.
Even love marriages in India often operate inside the same constraint, meeting on dates over the weekend, therefore always slightly performed. The relationship exists only for a few hours in person for the week until the wedding. And then suddenly, overnight, two people are sharing a home, a bathroom, a kitchen, a budget, a family, with someone they have never seen handle a bad day.
Live-in is a Western concept
The Indian marriage system is built on certain norms, and living together before marriage is considered a Western concept. However, Oendrila challenges it, saying that the idea that you should know someone before committing your entire life to them is not Western. It is just common sense.
She further highlighted that what is actually Western is the concept of marrying a stranger based on a family’s assessment of their credentials and hoping it works out. That system was imported from societies where women had no rights, where divorce was impossible, and where staying was the only option, regardless of what you discovered after the wedding. Calling “know your partner before marriage” a Western concept while calling “marry a stranger because the biodata looked good” a tradition is not fair. We kept the parts of tradition that restrict choice and called it culture.
What if a live-in is not possible?
Live-in concept in India is still considered a Western tradition and is not acceptable. However, Kapoor recommends that if a live-in is not possible, you should at least consider taking a seven-day trip with your partner before getting married. She highlighted that sometimes best friends go on trips and come back as enemies. That is not an exaggeration. It happens constantly.
Put two people together for a week with exhaustion and bad weather and a missed flight and a hotel that looks nothing like the photos, and you will learn more about who they are than you will in six months of dinner dates. You will see how they handle disappointment. How do they make decisions under pressure? Whether they blame or problem-solve.
Nothing guarantees a successful marriage
Despite advocating the concept of live-in before marriage, Oendrila highlighted that even live-in before marriage doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage. However, it gives you information that no biodata, no horoscope, no family reference, and no dinner date can ever provide. It only gives you a chance to assess a person and build compatibility, and compatibility is not revealed in candlelight dinners. It reveals itself in ordinary moments.
Note to readers: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them. This article is for informational purposes only.
