Hawkins High, Stranger Things. There’s bullying, vigilante mobs, inter-dimensional monsters. Choose your fighter. One minute it’s class; the next, Eleven is fighting armed government agents in the corridors, before a Demogorgon wanders in. Students die, authorities blame it on cults and earthquakes. Through it all, basketball games, pep rallies, D&D game night, dances go on as usual, like this is all part of the syllabus.
Hogwarts, the Harry Potter universe. This school and school system is a death trap with zero safety protocols. Dumbledore (worst headmaster ever) went out of his way to hire bullies and Death Eaters as teachers. There was a “Forbidden” Forest next door, with centaurs, giant spiders and werewolves, Quidditch is deadly. Inside, a basilisk roamed free, 14-year-olds fought dragons, and a teacher carried around Voldemort in his turban. Parents still sent kids back.
Sunnydale High, Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The school sat on Hellmouth, a demon portal, so vampires, werewolves and monsters were just part of campus life. The previous principal got eaten by students possessed by hyenas. His successor, Principal Snyder, tried to pass off vampire attacks as drug-fuelled violence by criminal gangs. A teacher turned out to be a giant she-mantis. Students died. Parents decided delulu was the solulu and sent their kids right back.
Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, X-Men universe. Life’s scary when your classmates can shoot laser beams from their eyes or drain people’s life force with a touch. The school was constantly under attack by aliens, killer robots, zealots and organ-harvesting U-Men. Professor Xavier was a little too excited to turn students into child soldiers. Parents approved: No one wanted to homeschool a kid whose genetic mutation can blow up the house with a sneeze.
Woodsboro High, Scream franchise. The school has endured not one but three killing sprees by people in Ghostface. About 30 students were massacred. A principal’s dead body was displayed on the football goalpost. The killers didn’t even spare alumni, hunting some down almost 30 years after they graduated. Gale Weathers wrote about it. The school even holds “Stab-a-thon” parties. And yet, parents see the serial killer history and go, “Cute campus, great vibes”.
Springwood High School, A Nightmare on Elm Street. Freddy Krueger’s OG hunting ground, where he killed kids in their dreams. He murdered three to 18 people per movie, but instead of pulling kids out, parents said, “Cool, let’s just drug them so they don’t dream”. Also, tiny detail: The parents are the ones who burned Freddy alive and just never mentioned it. By 1999, he’d basically wiped out the town’s teen population.
East Highland High School, Euphoria. Imagine bumping into Nate Jacobs or Maddy Perez, both of whom can publicly destroy you. The counsellor is nowhere to be seen, while students take opioids, assault and kill each other, engage in cyber-prostitution and risky sex. Did they even put on a production of Oklahoma? With so many bruised, broken and borderline criminal students, how is this school still functioning? Again, where are the adults?
Riverdale High, Riverdale. Serial killers. Mass seizures. Cults. Gang wars. Midge is murdered in the middle of Carrie: The Musical. Mrs Grundy is having an affair with a student. Things are so bad that students spend their time solving murders, running speakeasies or leading gangs instead of studying. And yet, Riverdale continues to welcome more students every year, because their parents are worse. Betty’s mum is part of a cult that harvests organs, Veronica’s dad treats the town like his own criminal empire.
Mystic Falls High School, The Vampire Diaries. Students have been held hostage, attacked and caught in the crossfire of vampire and werewolf conflicts. Elena and Jeremy Gilbert often skipped classes and had their grades “compelled” into existence by vampire friends. Nearly every school dance was crashed by a supernatural villain. Why no adult supervision? Because teachers and coaches are frequently murdered or are vampires themselves.
Coal Hill, Doctor Who. It was less a school and more an intergalactic disaster site. Fascist cyborgs, the Daleks, turned students and the headmaster into flesh puppets. An alien war robot nearly destroyed the school and Earth. One headmaster got attacked by a space dragon disguised as a tattoo. In the spin-off Class, the Shadow Kin crash prom to murder and amputate students. Oh, and the school council is an alien-worshipping cult. No parent asked, ‘Why does this school have a higher body count than a war zone?’
From HT Brunch, May 16, 2026
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