The common understanding of bullying among schoolchildren is generally very visual, involving physical aggression that leaves bruises, injuries or other visible marks. Even if the child does not speak about it, parents may notice these signs and take appropriate actions.
However, some forms of bullying are less ‘visible’ and do not inflict physical harm. Instead, they cause severe emotional distress through cyberbullying, online harassment, blackmail, mocking or rumours. Children facing these experiences may feel so cornered that they choose to remain silent. This is why careful observation is essential to recognise the less obvious signs that your child may be experiencing bullying.
We asked Dr Gayathri K, psychiatrist at Maarga Mind Care, Bengaluru, how parents can identify whether their child is being emotionally harassed and what observable warning signs they should look out for.
Why do children hide bullying from their parents?
Just because a child appears fine, remains academically focused and follows their usual routine, it cannot be assumed that everything is okay. The psychiatrist revealed that, from a child’s perspective, there may be several valid reasons for hiding the bullying from their parents.
“Many children remain silent because they fear the bullying may worsen if adults intervene, believe they are somehow responsible, worry about burdening their parents, or are concerned that reporting cyberbullying could lead to restrictions on their use of digital devices,” Dr Gayathri said.
Especially in cases of cyberbullying, the expert noted that children may remain silent because they fear their parents will confiscate their phones or ask them to delete their social media accounts, resulting in a loss of digital independence.
In fact, as per the psychiatrist, cyberbullying deserves attention. Explaining why, she elaborated, “Cyberbullying deserves equal attention because it often continues beyond school hours and may not leave visible signs. With growing access to smartphones and social media, online harassment has become an important contributor to anxiety, low self-esteem, and emotional isolation among children.”
What are the warning signs that may indicate bullying?
Instead of words, children often communicate distress through changes in behaviour and health. The psychiatrist reminded that emotional stress can present as physical symptoms, making it important not to dismiss repeated complaints as excuses to avoid school. Here are some signs, as per the expert:
1 . Recurring physical complaints: Frequent headaches, stomach aches, body pain or other unexplained physical complaints, particularly on school days.
2. Declining academic performance: A sudden fall in academic performance, incomplete classwork or reduced interest in studies.
3. Behavioural changes: Noticeable behavioural changes such as becoming withdrawn, spending long hours alone, increased irritability or emotional outbursts.
4. Changes in sleep and eating: Changes in sleep or eating habits, or bedwetting that returns after years of being absent.
5. Damaged or missing belongings: Torn notebooks, damaged school bags, missing belongings or vague explanations about how these incidents occurred
6. Unusual digital behaviour: Changes in digital behaviour including constant checking of devices, distress after notifications or unusual secrecy around screen use, which may point towards cyberbullying
How should parents begin the conversation?
As parents, you need to be gentle when initiating the conversation. The expert urged parents to prioritise creating a safe space rather than bluntly questioning the child directly. When you do that, they may get defensive and may not open up. It will backfire instead.
“A gentle conversation acknowledging recent changes in behaviour and asking whether anything has been troubling the child is often more effective than repeatedly asking whether bullying is taking place,” the psychiatrist suggested best way to initiate the conversation.
What to do if your child tells you they are bullied?
If your attempt to encourage your child to open up is successful and they confide in you that they are being bullied, what should you do next? This is a very delicate and tender moment, as they have chosen to trust you and speak despite their fear or shame. Your immediate response can actually shape whether your child should continue to trust you and feel safe or withdraw and go back into their shell.
Sharing the next steps, the psychiatrist said, “When a child shares any bullying experience, the immediate priority should be to listen without judgment, validate the child’s feelings and reassure them that responsibility lies entirely with those engaging in bullying. Children should be involved in deciding the next steps, so they regain a sense of safety and control instead of feeling that decisions are being made for them.”
As a parent, you may feel emotionally charged, angry or tempted to confront the bully immediately. But it is very important not to rush and stay calm, to avoid making any hasty decisions. Listen first, then reassure them, and make your child feel safe, then think about the next possible steps calmly.
More about the expert
Dr Gayathri K is a psychiatrist with over 10 years of experience, specialising in child and adolescent psychiatry, anxiety disorders, ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, mood disorders, and eating disorders. She completed her MBBS from Madurai Medical College, MD (Psychiatry) from Stanley Medical College, Chennai, and holds a DNB in Psychiatry.
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.
