An emotional social media post has struck a chord with the global diaspora by highlighting the hidden psychological toll of moving abroad. The immigrant opened up about her intense battle with a “loss of self” and the quiet grief of leaving her independent identity behind after relocating to India from Australia.
“What nobody tells you before you move countries is how much of yourself you leave behind without realising it,” Amanda Boyce wrote on social media.
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Taking lessons from her experience, she shared, “I didn’t just lose the familiar things, the beach, my mum’s cooking, the ease of existing somewhere where everyone already knows you. I lost my independence. I’d been working since I was 15, paid my own way, made my own decisions. Then I moved to a country where I couldn’t answer my phone if it was an Indian number, because I had no idea what to say. I couldn’t join conversations in my own home. I became dependent on my husband for the most basic things, verbally and financially, and I had no idea how to sit with that.”
She continued, “That loss of self is something migrants don’t talk about enough. You spend so much energy on the practical stuff, the visa, the job, the language, the cultural learning curve, that you don’t always notice the quieter grief underneath. The grief of who you were before you moved. The version of yourself that was confident, capable, at ease. She doesn’t disappear, but she changes. And some of what she was doesn’t come back.”
She expressed that the hardest part of her journey was “trying to hold onto her was part of what made the in-between”. She recalled how she kept measuring herself against the life she had and the person she had been.
What happened next?
Boyce wrote, “Seven years in, I’ve stopped trying to choose. A lot of people didn’t think I’d last the first year here. Some of those people aren’t in my life anymore, and that’s okay too.”
Sharing words of encouragement, she continued, “If you’re in the middle of your own version of this, the loneliness, the in-between feeling, the quiet grief of who you were before you moved, I want you to know it does get quieter. You don’t stop missing things. You just get better at carrying it. And you’re stronger than you realise.”
How did social media react?
An individual posted, “I totally understand you! I feel the same as you, but I moved to Spain. An American in Spain! This post was therapeutic.” Another expressed, “This is so insightful, and whilst I meet a lot of people migrating to Australia, you’re one of the few Aussies I’ve met and who have immigrated to another place.”
A third commented, “Thanks, Amanda. I needed to hear this. 3 years ago, I moved from Serbia to Australia… and I’m in the middle of all these feelings. So, I just have to be patient. Hopefully, it will soon pass… Your words of encouragement came at the perfect time.”
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A fourth wrote, “I know the feeling. I’m ‘stuck’ in Australia at the moment (4 years and counting), and miss the 23 years I lived in Europe so much (Scotland, France, Andorra). The only place I don’t miss is the year I spent in the US before all of that. Happy to be teaching again in Australia now, at least.”
