Dowry in India is no longer merely a social evil; it has evolved into a deeply embedded system of domestic violence, coercion, and psychological terror against women. Marriage, which society glorifies as sacred and as the ultimate destination for women, often becomes for many young girls a site of fear, humiliation, abuse, and sometimes death. The growing number of suspicious suicides and dowry-related deaths of newly married women raises an uncomfortable but urgent question: What kind of social institution have we normalised in the name of marriage?
The latest National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) data reveals the scale of this crisis. According to the NCRB’s latest Crime in India report, more than 1.2 lakh cases of “cruelty by husband and relatives” were registered in a single year, making it the largest category of crimes against women in India. Reports of dowry deaths continue to remain disturbingly high across the country. These are not just statistics; they represent the lived realities of women trapped inside abusive homes with little social or institutional protection.
In Delhi alone, NCRB figures show thousands of cases of cruelty by husbands and relatives, along with over a hundred reported dowry deaths in the past year. These numbers expose a brutal truth: For countless women, the greatest threat is not outside the home but within it.
The problem is not only dowry demands. The deeper issue lies in the structure of marriage itself, where control over a woman’s life is effectively transferred from her parents to her husband and in-laws. Particularly in middle-class and rural families, marriage is treated as a point of surrender rather than partnership. Once married, a woman is expected to adjust, endure, and preserve the marriage at all costs, regardless of the violence or humiliation she may face.
This normalisation of suffering is one of the most dangerous aspects of Indian social conditioning. When women report abuse, emotional torture, or violence to their parents, they are often advised not to return home but to “adjust,” “be patient,” or “save the marriage.” Families frequently fear social stigma more than they fear for their daughters’ safety. In effect, society teaches women to tolerate abuse rather than escape it.
Many recent cases involving young brides reveal this tragic pattern. Women had informed their parents, siblings, or close friends about unbearable cruelty, emotional breakdown, and abusive relationships. They had expressed fear, depression, and despair. Yet, instead of being encouraged to leave unsafe marriages, they were persuaded to continue enduring them in the hope that things would improve over time.
But what exactly improves?
Too often, nothing does. The violence escalates. Emotional abuse deepens. Isolation increases. Eventually, many women are pushed toward suicide—or die under suspicious circumstances later described as “family disputes” or “personal stress.”
The most disturbing aspect is that education and economic independence alone do not necessarily protect women from abusive marriages. Many highly educated, professionally successful women remain trapped in violent relationships. This demonstrates that the issue is not merely economic dependency; it is deeply social and psychological. Girls in India are raised to believe that marriage is their ultimate achievement and responsibility. Leaving a marriage—even an abusive one—is often seen as failure.
This conditioning destroys women’s ability to prioritise their own safety and dignity. It creates a culture where suffering becomes normalised and silence becomes survival. Homes that should provide security instead become spaces of fear and control—what can only be described as a form of domestic terrorism.
Dowry operates as the economic engine behind this system. Marriage is increasingly treated as a transaction involving status, consumption, and financial expectations. The woman is not viewed as an equal individual but as someone expected to bring wealth, serve the household, and absorb humiliation without resistance. When expectations are not met, harassment, violence, and coercion follow.
The NCRB data also challenges the assumption that modernisation or urbanisation has significantly reduced domestic violence. Dowry deaths and domestic abuse are not confined to rural or poor households. They occur among educated, affluent, urban families as well. This demonstrates that patriarchy adapts itself even within modern social settings.
The crisis, therefore, cannot be solved through laws alone. India already has anti-dowry legislation and legal protections against domestic violence. The problem lies in weak enforcement, social stigma, institutional apathy, and the collective normalisation of women’s suffering. Women often hesitate to seek legal help because they fear social judgment, family pressure, financial insecurity, or emotional abandonment.
In many cases, the woman becomes isolated between two hostile spaces: violence in the marital home and pressure for compromise from her parental home. Her pain is minimised, her fears are dismissed, and her life becomes secondary to preserving family reputation.
Perhaps the most painful reality is that many women are never taught that leaving an abusive marriage is a legitimate and courageous choice. Society celebrates endurance in women far more than self-preservation. The burden of maintaining marriage is placed almost entirely on the woman, regardless of the cost to her physical or mental wellbeing.
This must change.
Families must stop treating marriage as irreversible destiny. Parents must stop sending daughters back into violent homes in the name of adjustment and social honour. Young women must be raised with the confidence that their dignity and safety matter more than social expectations. Marriage cannot become a life sentence.
Every dowry death is not merely an individual tragedy; it is evidence of a collective social failure. Until Indian society values women as individuals rather than as bearers of family honour and marital obligation, domestic violence and dowry-related deaths will continue to claim lives behind closed doors.
The home cannot remain the most dangerous place for Indian women.
(The views expressed are personal)
This article is authored by Ranjana Kumari, director, Centre for Social Research and author of Brides are not for Burning.
