Danish parents raise their children to be extremely confident by doing this: 3 habits to try

A child struggles to put on their shoes, and the parent resists the urge to do it for them. At a restaurant, a child is encouraged to place their own order instead of letting an adult speak on their behalf. And when a child finds a playground challenge difficult, the parent offers support without immediately stepping in to solve the problem. These everyday moments reflect an approach to parenting that gives children more opportunities to try things for themselves, make decisions and learn from mistakes. Parenting coach Hitesh Mathur recently highlighted three Danish-inspired habits for raising confident children in a video shared on his Instagram account, @parentingwithbrainify.According to Mathur, confidence does not grow simply from hearing adults say, “You’re amazing.” It also develops when children face manageable challenges and discover that they can handle them. This idea is linked to a psychological concept called self-efficacy, a person’s belief in their ability to do something or deal with a particular situation. It is not a guarantee that a child will always succeed. It is the belief that they can make an attempt, learn and try again.

Give children real responsibilities instead of doing everything for them

Mathur suggests giving children age-appropriate responsibilities, such as ordering their own food, preparing a simple snack, making small decisions or speaking to someone when appropriate. The point is not to leave children to manage everything alone. It is to let them take part in everyday tasks instead of assuming they cannot handle them.For example, a parent visiting a restaurant with a young child could help them understand the menu and then let them tell the server what they would like. At home, a child could choose between two suitable outfits, pack their school bag with a checklist or help prepare breakfast. These tasks may seem ordinary, but they give children a chance to practise making decisions and handling the results. When they complete something they initially found difficult, they have a concrete reason to believe they can do it again.A 2006 study published in Contemporary Educational Psychology examined the sources of self-efficacy beliefs among 263 students entering middle school. Researchers found that mastery experiences were the strongest predictor of students’ academic and self-regulatory self-efficacy among the factors examined. The study focused on school-related beliefs, not everyday parenting tasks. Still, its findings support the broader idea that confidence in one’s abilities can grow through experience, rather than encouragement alone.

Allow manageable risks instead of stopping every attempt

Another habit Mathur recommends is allowing children to explore, climb, try unfamiliar activities and take manageable risks without an adult immediately telling them to stop. For parents, this can be difficult. It is natural to want to prevent a fall, a spill or a moment of frustration. But stepping in at the first sign of difficulty can also mean that children miss opportunities to learn what they can handle. A child learning to ride a bicycle, for instance, may need time to wobble, lose balance and try again. A child climbing playground equipment may need to assess where to place their feet and decide whether they can reach the next step. This does not mean allowing children to face dangers they cannot reasonably understand or manage. Parents should consider the child’s age, ability and surroundings, stay appropriately involved and intervene when there is a genuine safety concern.Parents must distinguish between a situation that is dangerous and one that is simply unfamiliar or challenging. A 2023 study analysed data from 9,221 adolescents in Norway. It found that adolescents who reported experiences of mastering tasks had higher self-efficacy scores. Support from parents, friends and teachers was also associated with higher scores.

Do not rush to rescue them when something gets difficult

Mathur’s third suggestion is to resist immediately solving a problem when a child is struggling. Parents can stay close, offer reassurance and help when needed, while allowing the child some time to work out what to do. Imagine a child building a tower that keeps falling. An adult could rebuild it for them, explain exactly what to do or simply take over. Another option is to ask, “What do you think would make it stronger?” and let the child experiment. The same approach can work with puzzles, homework, simple household tasks and disagreements with friends, provided the child is not left distressed or dealing with a problem beyond their ability. There is an important difference between support and taking over. Support helps a child approach a challenge; taking over can unintentionally send the message that the adult does not believe the child can manage it.Parents do not have to remain silent or refuse help. They can offer a hint, demonstrate one step or break a task into smaller parts. If the child is overwhelmed, stepping in more directly may be the right response.

Why confidence involves more than telling children they are amazing

Praise can make children feel appreciated, but praise alone does not give them experience in handling a difficult task. A child may hear that they are brilliant and still feel unsure when they encounter something they have never tried before. Self-efficacy develops in specific situations. A child may feel confident about swimming but uncertain about speaking in class. Experience with one task does not automatically remove every other fear. Parents can help by recognising effort and progress while being specific about what the child did. Instead of only saying, “You’re amazing,” they might say, “You kept trying different ways until you worked out how to do it.” This gives children something concrete to remember the next time a task feels difficult.