For a long time, dating in India was based on a script from another country. Bios in English, and that polished, slightly showy tone that we all learned to use online, which makes everyone sound like a LinkedIn post that is a little bit flirtatious. Though it does work, it’s a costume too. In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Anirban Banerjee, co-founder and chief marketing officer, Flutrr, shared his experience on how a quick language switch on a dating app changes the experience.
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Comfort and feelings
Anirban highlighted that Hindi is about comfort and the feeling of apnapan that can’t be put into words. It’s about saying what you want to say without first thinking about it in your head. Change the language to Hindi, Bengali, Tamil, or Marathi — your choice — and the pace of the conversation changes in three messages. Jokes don’t need footnotes. A reference to a movie does the same thing as a paragraph. When someone quotes a line from Gulzar, you aren’t just pen pals anymore, you’re something more.
Vibe matters
The vibe is backed up by science. People who study bilingual couples say that when they are upset, they use their first language to describe things as “natural,” “sincere,” and “intimate,” and their second language to describe things as “fake” or “artificial.” Anirban highlighted that researchers say that “Je t’aime” doesn’t hit a French student in the same way that “I love you” does. For someone who grew up thinking in Hindi, ‘mujhe tumse pyaar hai’ means more than “I really like you.”
Real conversations
Conversations in vernacular last longer, get warmer, and turn into real dates more often than conversations in English. Anirban said, “Language has quietly turned into a way to see if people aren’t compatible.” Not in a way that keeps people out, but in a way that asks if you think in the same rhythm as I do. You can learn more about someone from the way they write “haan toh (So, then)?” than from three photos that have been filtered.
First impression
According to Anirban, it’s also changing what people are attracted to. People are falling for tone instead of swiping on jawlines and bios that would look great on Pinterest, for fun. For the exact way a person from Delhi makes fun of themselves compared to a person from Kolkata. For a shared reel, a shaayari screenshot, and a voice note that says “kaafi” instead of “coffee.”
Geographic shift
A lot of people who use dating apps today come from tier 2 and tier 3 cities, where English is the language of work, and your mother tongue is what you speak at home. When the app finally lets you speak the home version, it stops feeling like an audition.
Behaviour shift
Along with all of this, there is a bigger change in behaviour. Language is the best way to slow things down. A conversation in Hindi needs more attention than just saying “lol same.” It feels more like sitting across from someone on a train than shopping.
