When someone has hurt, disappointed, or betrayed you, cutting them off and limiting their access to you may feel like the quickest way to protect your peace. But is cutting someone off always the best way to set a boundary? We asked an expert whether blocking or unfollowing someone after a relationship ends is the right approach to setting boundaries.
Devina Kaur, mental health educator, certified NLP coach, meditation and yoga teacher, and author, told HT Lifestyle that setting a boundary means clearly communicating what you are willing to accept in a relationship.
How is taking space in a relationship different from cutting ties?
To put it simply, what does setting a boundary mean in a relationship? The expert clarified, “Setting boundaries in a relationship means setting clear limits of what you’re willing to accept and what you’re not willing to accept. It means that you are willing to work to have a better relationship. All you may want is some space and better communication.”
After a relationship ends, are you distancing yourself or cutting someone off? Kaur clarified that distancing and ending contact are not quite the same, even if they may seem similar. When you distance yourself, you may still stay in touch. You are awaiting to sit out the conflict and let the tension subside. But when you cut someone off, you are no longer in contact with or maintaining a relationship with that person. Usually, a clear cut-off happens after a breakup. Distancing is temporarily stepping back when the tension is too high for open dialogue.
She added, “The primary difference is that a boundary defines a scope for the relationship, whereas cutting someone off means essentially ending the connection or setting them apart.”
When is ending contact necessary?
Deciding whether to talk things through or end contact can be mentally difficult. Add to this, high, turbulent emotions. Kaur revealed that the decision depends on what has happened and whether both people are willing to address it.
She described the nuances of this dynamic: “Every relationship and every situation is different. If the problem is a misunderstanding, it is usually worth talking about it first. A simple, honest conversation can sometimes make a big difference. But communication can only help when both people are willing to have that conversation. If you are the only one trying to explain, adjust, or make things better, while the other person keeps doing the same thing, then you may need to rethink the relationship.”
One telltale sign is how you feel in the relationship. If you repeatedly feel disrespected and try to communicate your worries, but the other person continues to cross your boundaries, then the expert suggested that taking a step back may be necessary.
For example, if you ask your partner to stop making casual remarks about the way you dress because they make you feel uncomfortable, but they continue slipping them into conversations in the guise of humour, you may need to reassess whether you want to stay in the relationship. Boundaries should be respected; otherwise, there is no value in the relationship.
Next, how do you spot if it is something you can work through or you call it quits for good? The expert mentioned looking at patterns rather than just one bad day or one argument. She said,”People can make mistakes, and relationships can go through difficult periods. What matters is what happens after that, whether the person understands your concern and actually tries to do things differently.”
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.
