Making future plans with our romantic partner is a universal experience, and that often includes the question, “When do we make ourselves official?” Dangling the possibility of marriage and not acting upon it is a scenario that we are familiar with all too well, either from experience or from stories.
One man shared his experience on the popular subreddit, r/AITAH, where he happens to be the one who wants to go back on his words and not propose to his long-term girlfriend. Instead of lending a sympathetic ear, Redditors decide to call him out.
Delaying the proposal…
The OP, a 28-year-old man, has been in a relationship with a 27-year-old woman for nearly three years. The couple lives together, and apparently shares a “pretty solid” relationship without any drama. Both of them have good jobs, and their families also get along well.
“The only small issue has been the whole engagement/proposal thing,” the OP wrote on Reddit. “I’m not against marriage, to be honest, I’ve been looking forward to it and had a ring picked out, but I wanted it to be a surprise, so didn’t give her a specific date. I told her it was coming, though, and I thought we were on the same page.”
However, over the last six months, the girlfriend apparently became fixated on it. It started as small jokes about when he would “put a ring on it,” and then escalated to a level that every time they fight, it turns into a variation of “this is why you haven’t proposed yet.“
What changed the OP’s mind?
A week before posting on Reddit, the OP opened a group chat on his girlfriend’s iPad and discovered her discussing with her friends ways to manipulate him into proposing fast. Their plans apparently included giving him the cold shoulder, not putting in any effort into the relationship, withholding physical intimacy, as well as using the woman’s birthday as a deadline.
“I’m not upset that she wants me to marry her. Before this, I really did want to marry her. But now I am questioning whether or not I should really spend the rest of my life with someone who might manipulate me,” observed the OP.
He had a conversation with his girlfriend and asked her if she was actually considering going through with the plans. She replied positively, stating that she was trying to get “some clarity and not waste any more time.”
However, the OP responded that he will not be proposing as he is “being coerced into doing it.”
“Basically, I told her if she keeps trying to manipulate me like that, I’m basically off the proposal train,” he wrote. “Now she’s going around saying I’m punishing her for having some standard relationship needs and that I’m just dangling marriage as a way to control her because I’m not proposing fast enough. And her friends all think I’m the bad guy because I looked at her private messages.”
While the OP claims to understand that three years is a reasonably long time for a person to start getting anxious about where the relationship is headed and if things are going to get serious, he believes that no one should be forced into marriage.
“And most importantly – it’s just made me realise that our relationship has been treated like some kind of game by her,” he added, before asking the community if he is in the wrong to not consider proposing to his partner at present.
Redditors slam the OP
Netizens on Reddit refused to back the OP in his decision and chided him for misleading his partner for a long time.
“I believe this is called future faking, and you kind of just got called out for it,” wrote one person.
“Seriously, OP is the manipulative game-player here,” noted another. “Hope gf stops wasting her time.”
“Do you want to marry her or break up with her?” asked a third. “These are your choices. Don’t jerk her around. Either she’s your person, or she’s not.”
“You don’t tell someone a proposal is on the horizon and then not do it or have further discussions about why you’re not doing it. I can’t imagine how insecure that probably made her feel,” observed a fourth.
Yet another jibed, “You were never going to propose to her, so congratulations, I guess?”
Note to readers: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
