Marriage is a social construct that desi families do not take lightly at all. Whether a couple is getting into a marriage or getting out, their actions are expected to follow the rules and norms that society has set. In the case of divorce, for example, the action seems “justified” only if one of the partners commits a cardinal sin or something similar.
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Even the people who may be considered as progressives may find it difficult to accept that two people can simply discover that they are not the right match for each other, and they decide to go their own separate ways even after getting hitched. The fact that divorce can be a tool that can help couples sort out their lives is still preposterous to many.
Appearing on the May 7 episode of iDiva’s She Comes First podcast, actor, poet and storyteller Priya Malik shared the story of opening up about her divorce to her family, and how they reacted to the news.
Priya Malik’s experience of announcing her divorce
Priya pointed out that the reason for seeking divorce should not necessarily be physical abuse or cheating; it can simply be two people realising that they are not the right fit for each other.
“When I first got divorced, I did not tell anyone. My parents also did not know I was getting divorced,” she stated. “And then I came to India, and I told my parents, and my parents couldn’t believe it.”
The first person she shared the news with in her family was her mother. She did it over tea, trying to soothe the lady with desi, kadak aadrak-wali chai with less milk and less sugar.
“And then I started telling my mother. My mom was just sipping tea and like thinking, ‘Is she telling the truth?’ And then she was like, ‘Oh, everything is done?’ I said, ‘Yeah, everything is done,’” recalled Priya.
Her father’s reaction to the news was quite different. “My father could not believe it. My father’s question was. ‘What happened? Did he cheat?’ I said, no. ‘Did he hit you?’ I said, no. ‘So then what happened?’”
“So then I found it difficult to explain to my family that sometimes two people cannot stay together as husband and wife. And then many people said many things, like, ‘Look, she did not even tell her parents (before getting divorced). All my relatives thought, ‘She must have thought about it well ahead.’”
Priya pointed out that no one ever marries because they want to get divorced. So if that eventually happens, there must be a good enough reason.
Internet agrees with Priya Malik’s view
The clip from the interview was shared on the iDiva podcast’s page on Instagram on May 14, where netizens wholeheartedly agreed with Priya’s take on divorce.
“The words went straight to my (heart emoji),” wrote a person.
“Compatibility nahi ho paatha he kabhi kabhi.. it’s better to part ways,” acknowledged another.
“Every damn word resonates. Why do we need to wait for extreme abuse and disrespect only to end a marriage? There might be a 1000 other reasons why two people might not work together,” shared a third, before opening up about their own experience. “I kept my divorce process very private, did it alone, only me and my lawyer..A lot of people in my family still do not know the reason, which never sat right with them, and honestly, I couldn’t care less.”
“Baat toh saahi hain but samjhana muskil,” noted another.
“It so true, older generations can’t understand this because for them, especially women, are taught to adjust, log kya kahenge, bare minimum is idolised, or pretend to be married just for the sake of kids,” pointed out yet another.
